Holier than Thou

To say that the recent evening news that we’ve watched pour from our television screens every night, informing us of what’s trending across America, has been more than unbelievable would be the understatement of the year thus far.

We’ve been confronted with the proof that the power in one individual’s personal hate & ignorance towards the validity and worth of every human experience, can single-handedly create a harrowing impact on hundreds of people’s lives. We watched in disbelief as the unimaginable has happened to our children, allowing them to be at the mercy of deadly animals while we beg for a sliver of control to end the nightmare. And we’ve been downright disgusted as we watched a confirmed rapist get a slap on the wrist after ruining the life of another young person, who likely before his selfishness, was still attempting to figure out who she was in this world.

Yep, I’d say that all of these events are more than just unbelievable.

But even with the acknowledgement that you would hope to only witness these via a Hollywood production set, they are still very real events that have rocked our nation to it’s core.

With that being said, I think I’m more disappointed with how we as a society have responded to them. Maybe I’ll always have a slightly tainted view when something of this nature occurs, but that’s only because I’ve already been confronted with the fact that no matter what you do or how in control you think you are, life can and will happen to you whenever the hell it wants. And I don’t care about who or what God you personally believe in, even He or She or whoever, cannot actually stop life from touching you personally. That “it could never happen to me” mentality is such an Achilles Heel for us.

But for whatever unfounded reason, we like to use this flawed logic to shame the other individual’s that life has recently happened to. That not only baffles me, but it angers me. Why on earth do we think that we have any right to tell the next human about how they could have prevented a tragedy in their own life, when we have never been through it ourselves?

Are we really so self-indulged and entitled that we think that we could never make a mistake as a parent? Or unwittingly drink a little more than we initially planned to?

And since we should have so clearly been able to prevent both situations without question, does that mean that we deserve to say a forever goodbye to our child? Or should we clearly expect that if we slip up and have one drink too many , that we must then proactively anticipate that another human automatically has the right to take control of our body and violate us from the inside out?

If you didn’t read that and clearly understand the absurdity to it, then you are what’s wrong with our world today.

Why are we so hell bent on publicly shaming people who are going through one of the worst experiences they will ever have to face? Does this make us feel better about our own mistakes? Do they seem less now? Maybe smaller? Maybe now you feel like it’s okay that you’ve shoved your child off on any other person who would take them, or that you’ve spent the majority of their short life making them feel inadequate or insignificant, to the point of creating a lifetime of issues regarding their self worth?  Is that now okay because no matter how many mistakes you’ve made as their parent, or lack of being their parent after choosing to bring them into this world, they’re still alive?

Or maybe you feel more than at peace with the fact that you crush up prescription pain pills and snort them every 2 hours of the day, because no matter how dependent you’ve become on a mind altering substance to get you to the next day, you’ve never let yourself get to the point of someone being able to rape you? Does that get you to a place where you can continue pretending you don’t need help yourself?

Somebody please help me wrap my mind around what I’ve seen taking over my timeline recently. How on earth anyone could think that making fun of a child passing away, no matter the circumstances or who they feel is at fault, to be amusing on any level is down incredulous to me. This was an innocent 2 year old boy, who more than likely has only ever brought positive energy into this world since the messed up thinking driven by the same individuals creating these ridiculous memes had not had the chance to influence him yet.

And I don’t care if you feel like the parent’s should be made responsible for making what should have been an innocent mistake, because let’s be honest, how many of you perfect parent martyrs out there would actually think to yourself,  hmmm..I must make sure that I’m on the lookout for any wild alligators who are on the hunt to eat my child while vacationing at the “Happiest Place on Earth.” Exactly. You wouldn’t have.

Yes, if they were out spending time in the known swamplands where wild gators are to be expected and just allowed their kids to wander off for hours and this occurred, then yes, I’d agree. I could see a case being made for them probably being negligent as parents. But that’s not what happened here. And either way, the idea of shaming them because they’ve lost their son is infuriating to me.

Spoiler alert America, they already feel more guilt than you could ever imagine possible. They have already what-if’d themselves to death. Every second, of every minute, of every hour since this happened to their little boy.

And before you fix your mouth, or keyboard in our society’s ‘fearless’ case, to tell me otherwise, I’d like to caution you.

I’d like to caution you, because I know how this family feels. I know because I carry around this guilt daily.

Kamren didn’t lose his life because of anything that me or his father did. Or didn’t do. He lost his life for no other reason than he took a nap and just didn’t wake back up. And before we get on our American high horse again, let me remind you that every safe sleep guideline was followed. He was in his bassinet, on his back, with no blankets or anything else besides himself inside of it that could have suffocated him. And let me just kick it up a step and tell you he was in it for less than 10 mins. Literally, 10 mins prior I kissed his little sleepy face and felt his breath on my own skin for the last time.

Even with medical confirmation that he passed away from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, and was able to have his organs use to save 3 other lives, I still felt 100% at fault. I’m not sure that I’ve ever been more ashamed or felt more undeserved guilt in my life. And that’s with knowing that there was nothing I could have done differently. I still what-if’d myself every day for the first 10 months that followed.

So imagine how they must feel. Or how the family who’s little boy somehow managed to find his way into a secured Gorilla habitat must have felt in those moments when they had no control over the fact their child could literally be crushed right in front of them.

Why do we feel the need to intensify this? Or to mock it?

For what? For a few likes and shares?

Do we really need that much self-validation as a nation? Is this the only way we know to make ourselves feel more valuable? More significant? Someone please, please, help me understand why any of this should be considered okay.

Why do we as a nation not rally behind events like this to support the other human lives it’s impacting? Can we really not see the value in supporting each other and helping the rebuilding begin?

Maybe the old saying we’ve heard since we’ve been kids ourselves really is true. Maybe it’ll only ever be the most hurt and damaged souls that help lift another broken down one back up. Maybe that’s when we’ll see a difference.

But let me not endorse that idea anywhere publicly because Lord knows that our society would be the one to interpret that to mean that every family must have one of their children killed. Or that they must sacrifice a member to be forcibly raped, or even murdered in cold blood because of choosing to give love to another human being with the same reproductive organs. Yep, let’s continue keeping ourselves on this recklessly elevated moral high ground that’s so clearly been successful for us.



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