I miss you.

Every day.

Some more than others.

But everyday nonetheless.

I’m not sure how that’s possible. How some days feel like my world is moving along just fine without you. And others feel like a constant battlefield of emotional land mines & 50 pound weights sitting on my chest.

There’s no rhyme.

No reason.

Just you.

And your absence.

Your ever present absence.

Last week was hard.

Lola spent two days just sitting by the front door for hours. She didn’t need to go out. She just sat there once we come back inside. It’s like she’s waiting for you. Like she knows. I know she does. She reads my energy, and reflects from there. You should see her when she see’s a baby or hears one crying on TV. It’s heartbreaking, because I know she’s still looking for you. She has been every day since you left.

I know you visit her sometimes. She’s probably a thousand times better at sensing your energy than I am. I’m glad she can though. It makes me happy to know she still has that connection with you.

This week has been better.

This week has been busy. I’m sure that’s the caveat. Either way, I’ll take it.

Your crazy God Father has successfully orchestrated a trip to China for us next week. In less than 24 hours no less. When he’s good, he’s good. I hope that you’re there with us next week. I’ll wait for the signs as always.

From my heart to yours baby boy, that window will always be open.

xo

Mommy