Nope, you’ve read that title correctly, as random as it sounds. But yes, acupuncture and Tracy Chapman are the two things getting me through this week. (I know, I know. I’m not really in the age bracket that should be appreciating Tracy Chapman, but I’m also pretty certain my soul was meant to be born in the late 70’s or early 80’s instead of ’88.)
Just for my other late 80’s & early 90’s babies, let me just explain the Tracy Chapman obsession, since a lot of you guys are probably not too familiar. You’ve actually probably heard her music before, and just not recognized who it is. You may have even heard Sam Smith’s recent cover of her song, Fast Cars, which he killed btw. If you haven’t heard his version, I highly recommend YouTubing it, like right now. No, seriously. Go do this. NOW. His voice is just flawless anyways, but he definitely bleeds new life & new pain into Chapman’s original.
You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we’ll make something
Me, myself I got nothing to prove
So remember we were driving, driving in your car
Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped ’round my shoulder
I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone
You got a fast car
Is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
Leave tonight or live and die this way
So if you actually took the time to read the lyrics above instead of skimming over them, and if you know me, then you’ll get it. I’ll leave it at that, as I don’t feel the need to explain myself anymore. For much of anything. Like Chapman say’s, Me, myself, I’ve got nothing to prove. Or maybe, maybe I’ve just got nothing to lose. I’ve lost everything already. I’ve lost the only thing that’s ever truly mattered to me. As miserable as that sounds, and as it is, there’s also something incredibly freeing in it as well. I’ve already survived the worst loss I can ever suffer, so anything else from here is just semantics. Literally, there is nothing on this earth that can physically break me. At all. Even death. I’ll be ok, no matter what. And I know this. I’ve proven it to myself. Can you imagine how freeing that this feeling is? Probably not, unless you’ve experienced it as well, and my heart goes out to you if you do know. After all, no one truly wants to know this feeling. Because to know this feeling, means you’ve known the most debilitating loss imaginable. But it also means you’ve survived it. And every day is a new battle, each morning a new battle ground. But do you know what I’ve learned these past 80 days? I have a 100% success rate. Even if some days don’t feel like a success, they are. Because I’m still here to feel them. To drag myself through them. And honestly, that feels pretty fucking awesome. #smallvictories
Also, and let me just say that this is by far the most important thing in life to me. The fact that I know this pain, means that I know my Kamren Grey. And how lucky am I for that? How blessed am I to have gotten him? To have loved and continue to love him. To be his Mama. I’d say in that aspect, I’m pretty damn lucky.
Now on to acupuncture. Hands down, simply amazing. And when I say amazing, I mean Ahhhhhhmazing. I cannot thank my new friend Brooke enough for praising it, and giving me the push to try it. Seriously, it’s a game changer. Somehow, having tiny little needles covering your entire body, from the crown of your head to the webbing between your toes, is the most calming and enlightening experience. Your body feels so heavy during the process, but immediately after, you somehow feel lighter. Your soul feels lighter. And your energy. Needless to say, I’ll be back next week. And in the weeks to come. If you haven’t tried this, and can afford to, or better yet, can get it covered by your Health Insurance, I sincerely recommend trying it. If you do, I’d love to hear about your experience. I’m willing to bet you’ll love it.
One last thing, Lokai bracelets. One bead represents your life’s highest moment. Mine was 2014 & my Kam. The other represents your lowest. 2015. I’d put a more detailed description about these, but you can just check out the link to their website on my homepage. They really have a great story and an even better message. I was blessed to receive one in the mail yesterday from my Bestie. I’m wearing it right this moment & today already feels better.
Sometimes you’re on top of the world. Stay humble. Sometimes you’ve hit a low. Stay Hopeful