Back to the Living

Let’s get back to it.

The living that is.

It’s an interesting concept to a lot of people, the living after the trauma. I guess I never really understood it either, until I was forced to get intimately acquainted. 2017 has been 3 months of really living again. Living without the title of ‘bereaved mother’ first.

What an odd thing that this. To go on about life, missing such an important part of it. Somedays it feels like I’m starting completely over, like I just graduated from college again or something. Other days, albeit not many lately, I find myself so stuck in the past. Still holding on to so much, like my life depends on it.

But even still, even on those days, I find myself happy again. Or as happy as someone can be in this life. It’s still pretty much a choice everyday, but luckily, I’ve become a pretty solid choice maker.

Saying a lot has happened since I was here last could easily be classified as an understatement. But I guess that only matters for the people who’ve found themselves invested in the journey with me.

So, here’s a short list for you ;

  • Kam’s dad is currently in prison for aggravated battery. I just recently found out myself, but I’m not really shocked. His commitment to avoiding what happened to our son finally won, and his temper got the best of him. I think he’s exactly where he should be, and I don’t mean that in a negative way. I think these next couple years will give him a change to finally process and get help. And become a better father to his older son. Although I specifically don’t want him in any factor of my life anymore, I still wish him the best. 
  • I guess it’s time to officially announce that I am in a very happy & healthy relationship, with a man who might actually be too good for me. He’s been my biggest supporter, cheerleader, and rock when I’ve needed it most. He’s not afraid to bring up Kam when I need him too, which I guess isn’t surprising since he’s loved both me and Kamren since the day he was born. He’s not new to my life, clearly, but I did spend a good 2 years constantly pushing him away and idiotically choosing Kam’s dad instead. I’ll never understand why he stayed around and waited for as long as he did, but man, there will never be a way for me to ever express how thankful I am for his choice. He’s the type of man your parents pray you find, and I’m pretty sure my Mama’s prayers got answered this time. 
  • Work is work, blah mostly. Not that I don’t love what I do, & the amazing team  I get to work beside everyday, because I do. I think I’m just missing my old office more than ever. It’s getting time for me to start prepping to go back. I remember thinking how baldy I needed to get ‘home’ after losing Kamren, that I didn’t ever realize that I was already there. I’ll always be a Kansas girl at heart, but I’m a woman that belongs back in the Florida sun. That is my grown up home, and God willing, I’ll be back there by the end of this year. 
  • Lola is still a pain in my ass, literally. But, she’s also my favorite part of the day. She always will be. 
  • 2017 has given me both a new niece & a new nephew. They’re both perfection, and I can’t wait to actually see them in person. Luckily, I’ll get to see miss Taby Cat this May when me & Mama go visit Bubbs and Jules in NYC. 

Okay, so my short list might have turned a little bit long. Eh, there was a lot to cover.

Honestly, I’m not really sure where my intent to take this blog is anymore. I’m not giving it up by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve gotta figure out how I want to evolve this.  That’s my next big project I think. Any and all suggestions as welcome, as always.

Any who, I’ve got to get back to the living now. Even if that only means cleaning my house and going to the gym.

Because today, that is how I shall be living. And doing it fabulously of course.

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